Down and Out…

I have no words of wisdom, no fancy quotes, no energy for any of it. I’m down and out and in pain, emotionally and physically. And after I publish this post, I’m off line to rest and take care of myself. Which means what? Lay in bed and feel sorry for myself? Have another pity party? Distract myself? But HOW?!?! I don’t understand how I’ve gone from being on top of the world and celebrating my one year Neurostimulator implant surgery just a week ago, and celebrating how great I was feeling, to THIS; intense pain, fainting spells, my body is just OFF.

My grand plan for keeping my health out of the spot light at my new job has imploded. I had to call my managers today and tell them that I can’t function and can’t work. Anxiety and frustration doesn’t even begin to describe having that conversation. How long will this last? Why can’t I cope? Back in the day I was used to dealing with this daily pain, but this is “new” to me again, and it’s terrifying. WHY is this happening? How long will it last? Is my joy ride over?

I need prayers, I need support, I need answers. I know with my support system that I’ll be covered on the first two, it’s the latter that scares me. What is the answer? Right now it doesn’t feel like there is one. Feeling hopeless. “She” is back and I want her to GO AWAY!!!


2 responses to “Down and Out…

  1. Mary Young says:

    Right now my friend you don’t worry about work or anything outside-just focus on you and your health because that is ALL that matters right now. Remember-if you don’t have your health then you don’t have the rest. Work isn’t going anywhere because they understand more than you think they do. Love you always-Mary Toenail

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