migrainesurvivalblog

The Good ‘ol Days and a Blast From the Past

I have had a very emotional couple of days due to the intense migraine that I’m experiencing with little to no relief from the Neurostimulator since the first time it was implanted. And it’s caused me to reflect even more about this disease and how much it has taken from me. 16 years of pain and hell, and a year of ups and downs, re-learning who I am today, and mourning the loss of 16 years of my life. Don’t get me wrong, there were some very special moments in those years, but I didn’t experience them to the extent that I should have been able to, because of the pain. STUPID PAIN!

And this angers me a great deal. I don’t associate myself with the person I was during the height of my daily migraine days. I don’t know who “she” is. I don’t know how “she” dealt with it, day in and day out. I don’t know “her”, and I don’t want to meet “her” ever again. But this present migraine has reminded me that “she” is still there. As much as I’d like to wish it away, I simply can’t. “She” is a part of me, for better or worse. And “she” made her presence known this past week. “She” is still very much, me. I really dislike HER.

In the throws of my emotional meltdown and pity party that I was throwing for myself – one where NO ONE else was invited (ok, EXCEPT for Wilson, because it’s a very exclusive party) – I received a friend request on Facebook from someone that was in my life when I was 5ish. She worked at the country club that my family used to belong to, and I adored her. I was a creative child and dreamed of the day when I would become an artist. I made art projects for on several occasions and hung around her when I wasn’t running wild around the pool or showing off on the diving boards.

Migraines have destroyed a lot of my memory, but back in the good ‘ol days when life was much simpler, I find that I’m able to recall those memories much easier, when they are triggered. We exchanged messages, and she shared with me that she had read my blog and had told her kids about me and how she had thought of me over the years, and I was so touched. And I cried. And I cried some more. Yes, it was because of the migraine pain and the emotions running high with it, but it just made me yearn for a time BEFORE all of this madness.

So I was reminded of a plaque called “Adult Resignation” that my sister gave to me years ago that hangs in our spare bedroom that reads:

I am hereby officially tendering me resignation as an adult. I have decided that I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year old again. I want to go to McDonalds and think it is a 4-star restaurant. I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples with rocks. I want to think that M&Ms are greater than money because you can eat them. I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand on a hot summer’s day with my friends.

I want to return to a time when life was simple. When all you knew were colors, and multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn’t bother you because you didn’t know what you didn’t know, and you didn’t care. All you knew was to be happy and blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset. I want to think the world is fair, that everyone is honest and good. I want to believe that anything is possible. I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again. I want to live a simple life again. I don’t want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones. I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.

So here’s my checkbook and my car keys, my credit card bills and my 401K statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this further, you’ll have to catch me first – cause TAG! You’re it. ~ Author Unknown

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4 responses to “The Good ‘ol Days and a Blast From the Past

  1. Heather says:

    Omg! I’m resigning as an adult to!!! The world needs more people who live like kids! Lets all quit!!! Great post 🙂

  2. Judy Brinkman says:

    Wait-are you saying that M&Ms AREN’T greater than money?

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