The Soundtrack of my Life in Pain

I have been a music lover since I was a young child. I would always sing along to the radio, and for songs that really struck a chord with me, I remember recording the songs on my tape player, and I would rewind them over and over again, writing down the lyrics so I could memorize every word to sing along wherever I was. What I truly love about music is that it can transport you to a place in your life through the lyrics or the melody and you can associate that song to a special moment or place in time, be it good times or bad.

When I became ill, music became even more important in my life. It was an escape for me, especially during late nights when I was wide awake in intense pain, unable to sleep, with little to distract me from the damaging thoughts in my head, and the pain. There are some songs and artists that have seen me through some very tough times. When hearing their songs, I felt that they wrote the song just for ME; like it was my theme song for that time and place in my life, because the lyrics were so profound and held so much meaning, and I felt an intimate connection.

I have always enjoyed sharing my love of music with friends. Back in the days when I had my first “boom box”, I spent hours in my room making mixed tapes. And then (thank you Steve Jobs) with the iPod and iTunes, I was able to create CDs for friends to add music to their play lists. I have an eclectic taste in music, I will listen to just about everything, with the exception of country music (sorry folks, it just doesn’t appeal to me!)

So I share with you now some of the highlights in what I call, “The Soundtrack of my Life in Pain”.

1. Artist: KT Tunstall

Song Title: Heal Over

“It doesn’t take a genius to realize, that sometimes life is hard. It’s gonna take time, but you’ll just have to wait. You’re gonna be fine, but in the meantime. Come over here lady, let me wipe your tears away. Come a little nearer, baby. Cause you’ll heal over, heal over, heal over someday.”


2. Artist: Sia

Song Title: I’m In Here

“I’m crying out, I’m breaking down, I am fearing it all. Stuck inside these walls, tell me there is hope for me. Is anybody out there listening?”


3. Artist: Sia

Song Title: Breathe Me

“Help! I have done it again. I have been here many times before. Hurt myself again today. And, the worst part is there no one else to blame. Be my friend. Hold me, wrap me up, I am small and needy, warm me up, and breathe me.”


4. Artist: Sarah McLachlan

Song Title: Answer

“If it takes my whole life. I won’t break, I won’t bend. It’ll be worth it, worth it in the end. Cause I can only tell you what I know, that I need you in my life. When the stars have all gone out, you’d still be burning so bright. Cast me gently, into morning, for the night has been unkind. Take me to a place so holy, that I can wash this from my mind.”


5. Artist: Lissie

Song Title: Here Before

“I’ve been here before, I’ve seen it all. And I can’t take no more I mean it, I’ll go. And this is the time, time to change my life. Yeah these are the times, reaching up to fight.”


6. Artist: Lissie

Song Title: Everywhere I Go

“And I fall, on my knees, tell me how’s the way to go, tell me how’s the way to be, to evoke some empathy. Danger will follow me, everywhere I go. Angels will call on me and take me to my home. But these tired eyes just want to remain closed.”

“I don’t see clearly, can’t feel nothing. Can’t you hear me? And I fall on my knees.”


7. Artist: Coldplay

Song Title: Paradise

“When she was just a girl, she expected the world. But it flew away from her reach, so she ran away in her sleep and dreamed of paradise every time she closed her eyes. Life goes on it gets so heavy, the wheel breaks the butterfly. Every tear a waterfall. In the night, the stormy night, she closed her eyes. In the night, the stormy night, away she’d fly, and dream of paradise.”


8. Artist: Eels

Song Title: Somebody Loves You

“One more Saturday, all alone through the night. You’ve got to be sure, when you turn out the light that it’s going to turn on again, you’ve got to be your good friend. Somebody loves you, and you’re gonna make it through. Somebody loves you, and you’re gonna make it through.”


9. Artist: Incubus

Song Title: Dig

“We all have a sickness, that cleverly attaches and multiples, no mater how we try. We all have someone that digs at us, at least we dig each other. So when sickness turns my ego off, I know you’ll act as a clever medicine. If I turn into another, dig me out from under what is covering the better part of me. Sing this song, remind me that we’ll always have each other when everything else is gone.”


9. Artist: John Mayer

Song Title: Heart of Life

“I hate to see you there. Lying there in that position. There’s things you need to hear, so turn off your tears, and listen. Pain throws your heart to the ground. Love turns the whole thing around. Fear is a friend that’s misunderstood, but I know the heart of life is good.”


10. Artist: The Samples

Song Title: When the Day is Done

“When the day is done, I hope you’re still the same, I hope that nothings changed with you. When the day is done, there’s something in your eyes, have they seen to many lies come true. When the day is done…”


11. Artist: U2

Song Title: Bad

“If I could through myself, set your spirit free. I’d leave your heart away, see you break, break away. Into the light, and to the day.


12. Artist: The Shins

Song Title: It’s Only Life

“I’ve been down the very road  you’re walking now, it doesn’t have to be so dark and lonesome. It takes awhile but we can figure this thing out, and turn it back around.”



One response to “The Soundtrack of my Life in Pain

  1. Judy Brinkman says:

    It’s a tie between “Dig” (which I first heard because you made me a CD, and “Dig” was the 16th track) and “Heal Over.”

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